Emotional Intelligence
Our IQ may help us understand and navigate the
world on one level, but we also need EQ, emotional smarts,to understand
ourselves, deal with challenges, and build strong
relationships.

Emotions are powerful. They can override thoughts and
profoundly influence behavior. Developing the skills of emotional intelligence
(EQ) allows us to harness the power of our emotions: self-esteem,
self-awareness, compassion, empathy, and adaptability—qualities that predict
success in life.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional
intelligence is essentially the ability to recognize, manage, and use your
emotions in positive and constructive ways. It’s also about recognizing the
emotional states of others and engaging them in ways that feel good to all and
create mutual safety, trust, and confidence.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) vs. Intellectual intelligence
(IQ)

Research shows that intellectual intelligence (IQ) has less to do
with success in life than emotional intelligence (EQ). We all know people who
are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What
they are missing is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is what helps
you communicate clearly, lead others, and build powerful relationships at work
and in your personal life. Emotional intelligence also helps you motivate
yourself, solve problems, and achieve your goals.

Emotional intelligence consists of four fundamental capabilities:
•Self-awareness – the ability to be conscious of your emotions and recognize
their impact while using gut feelings to guide your decisions.
•Self-management – the ability to control your emotions and behavior and
adapt to changing circumstances.
•Social awareness – the ability to sense,
understand, and react to the emotions of others and feel comfortable socially.
•Relationship management – the ability to inspire, influence, and connect to
others while managing conflict.

Emotional intelligence is the key to success and resilience

In
studying people with strokes, brain tumors, and other types of brain damage,
scientists have made some fascinating discoveries about intelligence. When the
parts of our brains that enable us to feel emotions are damaged, our intellects
remain intact. We can still talk, analyze, perform excellently on IQ tests, and
even predict how we should act in social situations. But under these tragic
circumstances, we are unable to make decisions in the real world—to interact
successfully and appropriately with other people, to plan for the immediate or
long-term future, to creatively solve problems, and ultimately, to
succeed.

The difference between success and failure in life is less a
product of what happens to you than how you react to unexpected, unpleasant, and
threatening experiences. Those who can go with the flow survive and
prosper.

Emotional intelligence isn’t a safety net that protects you from life’s
tragedies, frustrations, or disappointments. Emotionally-intelligent individuals
go through bad times and experience sadness, anger, and fear—just like everyone
else. But they respond differently than less healthy people to these
experiences. Emotional intelligence gives you the ability to cope and bounce
back from stress, adversity, trauma, and loss. In other words, emotional
intelligence makes you resilient.

Resilience gives you the ability
to:
•Stay focused in a frightening or challenging situation
•Experience
moments of joy in the face of sadness and loss
•Ask for and get support when
needed
•Quickly rebound from frustration and disappointment
•Remain
hopeful during challenging and difficult times

Emotional intelligence is the hidden factor in relationships and
communication

For decades, we have viewed relationship obstacles through
a flawed lens—one that fails to capture the real sources of connection and
disconnection between people. When we look at communication from a
moment-to-moment perspective, as new brain imaging technologies now enable us to
do, we can see that what really keeps people connected lies beneath the
surface.

Our emotions connect us to others

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